I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
