im holly from the hills drunk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
