I'm so fucking centered right now
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
