Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can Purell be used as lube?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
