sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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