even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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