You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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