I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
