Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
