ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
