Im at strip club and am horny
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
