Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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