I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
soo... how was my night?
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