how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
