I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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