No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
