College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
