Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
that's an acceptable place to lick
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
