dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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