Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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