Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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