omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
