we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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