Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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