New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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