wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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