In the future we'll all be gay
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
