I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize