She just used a chaser for red wine.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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