Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
