We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
