Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize