I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
