I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
