I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
