So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My feet surprised me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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