She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Help. Why am I so naked?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
