So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
