If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
