I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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