My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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