Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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