yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
