Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
