I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
