i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can I color on your dick again?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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