I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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