I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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