So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think your dad took our porno
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
