He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
