you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
