he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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