I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
