my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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