Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
