the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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