Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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