you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
