We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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