I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
