isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
