dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
