i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
