His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
