I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
