All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
