I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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