I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
