I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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