Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
