I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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