mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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