Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Randomize
