I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
