I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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