you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
